Saturday, 29 June 2013
Well, this has been an emotional roller-coaster of a week. I've been working every hour there is this week to try and catch up in work. So, 60 hours this week alone have reduced me to an exhausted, dishevelled mess! And, that's before I put my Superwoman Knickers on and get on with the mummy jobs! The reason I have been working such insanely long hours? Well, those regular readers of the blog will know that I had my term-time contract pulled in work this year which meant I was without childcare for FD. I have spent months battling with work to try and find a resolution. I have been applying for new jobs and attending interviews. And, just when I was about to throw in the towel and resign to allow me to care for FD during the Summer, a small light appeared at the end of the tunnel.
Now we all know that there's a recession and the light at the end of the tunnel could get turned off at any moment as part of the cuts! So, it was little tentative steps that I edged my way along the tunnel, hoping that a bloody big train didn't mow me down. And, here's what actually happened...................
One evening last week I received an impromptu call from my boss with the news I had been hoping for. I was being given my term time contract back. But.............and there's always a but...............I needed to move to a new team and be a different type of social worker. I needed to move to what is essentially a paper shuffling type of job that will not allow me to do any meaningful work with children. A job that will bore me senseless and not tax my social work skills in any way. Did I accept? You better bloody believe I accepted! I can do bored!!! I can shuffle paper! Too many years as a child protection social worker have taken their toll on this poor, burnt out and slightly frazzled mummy!
I know there are many people reading this shaking their heads and wondering what on earth would possess me to take a job that will not allow me to use my vast experience in working with children. Well, when you have a family where your own children need you to be there for them, you will take any job that allows that. FD's needs are changing as she is getting older and she needs me. She needs me to be healthy. She needs me to have some energy left for her at the end of the day. And, she needs me to be emotionally available for her. When you have children, particularly one with special needs, sometimes you do what you need to. Your own needs and wants sometimes get put on the back burner for a while. But, that's OK. It's how the world is supposed to be.
So, yesterday I finished up all my work, cleared my desk and pinned £20 bun money for the team on the notice board. And then, I walked out of my office for the last time laden down with a box of junk from my desk (including a pair of pink wellington boots I found under the desk) and lots of cards and gifts and flowers. It was a very emotional day for me. It was difficult saying goodbye to a lot of people I love. But, walking through the front door last night and seeing the look on my daughter's face when I told her we would be spending the Summer together was worth every bit of heartache and uncertainty.
And so, I start my new job in September. Am I scared? You betcha! But hey, that's OK. It's going to be a different type of scared. It's not going to be the type of scared that kept me awake at night worrying about the children on my caseload or the mountain of reports that needed writing. It's not the type of scared that had me waking up in cold sweats or putting other families before my own.FD will be facing some new changes too. She is to get a new teacher in September. She has had the same teacher for 2 years and it will be difficult for her to make the transition to someone new. But, wearing our Superwoman knickers, we will get through it all and begin the next chapter of our adventure..............together!
Posted by JB JOHNSTON at Saturday, June 29, 2013