In our never ending round of hospital / GP appointments, I had to take FD to the GP again to have a second blood test done due to elevated Vitamin B12 levels. Anyway, whilst waiting to be seen in the treatment room we spotted a young child who also attended FD's school and who was autistic. He was only about 8 years old and was happily chatting to himself at the top of his voice and making comments about everyone who came into the room. He was not rude, but just making observations. His comments to us where 'What is SHE doing here? Obviously he was seeing my daughter in a completely different context than what he was used to and he was surprised to see her in the GP waiting room. He was very loud but that was OK. He wouldn't be the first child to be loud in a doctors waiting room and I'm sure not the last!
Whilst most other patients in the waiting room very quickly realised that this was a very special child, there were others who did not. In particular, an elderly gentlemen. This man's heart was obviously in the right place and he attempted to engage the child in conversation about the toy truck he was playing with. Whilst initially the child was happy to be chatting to this stranger, it soon became apparent that the child was having trouble with understanding some of the content of the conversation. The elderly gentleman kept asking questions about the young boys toy truck that were complex and confusing for him. The child's mother was very clearly starting to become uneasy and tried to explain the the man that her son did not understand what he was talking about. However, the man did not appear to take on board what was being explained to him and continued to attempt to show the boy how to reverse his truck and ask him yet more questions. As a result, the child started to become more agitated and more noisy because he could not process the complex parking instructions the elderly gentlemen was trying to give him. Apparently there are many ways to park a toy 8 wheeler truck! Who knew!
Whilst the child obviously knew FD from school, I did not know his mother nor she me. When, in the end, she was forced to remove the child away from the elderly gentleman and sit him elsewhere in the waiting room, she sat down beside me and looked exhausted and stressed. Other people in the waiting room were now staring at her and her child. She was so uncomfortable that every time her child spoke or made any sort of noise that was outside of what was considered 'normal', she tried to quieten him. I leaned over to her and whispered 'we don't do waiting so well either, but I believe our children attend the same school'. She seemed to relax a little and think she was glad of a friendly, non-judgemental person.
Quite often whilst out and about with our special needs children members of the general public do not realise that your very special child requires a little bit of extra care and understanding. Particularly when the disability is not quite so obvious. Sometimes people will approach FD and attempt to engage her in conversation before realising that she is not getting a full grasp on what they are talking about. I love those that once they do realise that FD has difficulties, don't give up but continue to chat to her but in a different way. They change their tone and sometimes change the content of what they are saying. I love that they try even if sometimes they aren't always successful. What I do not like is those that despite being told that a child does not understand them, persist with the same thread of conversation that is so painfully obviously not working.
However, I can't condemn the elderly gentleman in the waiting room at the doctor's. I do believe that his intentions were good and he genuinely did not understand the implications of his pushing and pushing this child to converse with him or giving him complex instructions. He was extremely old and perhaps its a generational thing. I suppose in his younger days, autism or learning disability wasn't really something that was highlighted, recognised or talked about. Maybe education about such conditions needs to be pushed to an older audience as everyone's life is touched by special needs in some shape or form, either directly or indirectly. That's when we really need to pull our Superwoman knickers up to our belly buttons, take a deep breath and push forward, despite the odd looks or disapproving sighs from others.
10 comments:
I think waiting rooms are such a brilliant place for making observations of people. I know I've picked up lots on how 'not' to behave with my children in public :/
I agree with you about the older generation though, disability was thought of very different, I have at least two cousins who have obvious disabilities but have never been diagnosed but their parents have tried to force them to behave like 'normal' children. I'm not sure if it's ignorance or shame but I am glad that times have changed and our children don't need to suffer unecessarily.
Yes Anne waiting rooms are definitely the place to be to observe! It is heartening that times are changing. Not before time! x
I agree with what you say the gentleman's intentions were good but he jut didn't get it. I think sometimes people need to sit back and think hang on a minute this is maybe not the best thing to do. A bit of common sense which a lot of people seemed to have lost. I had a similar experience in a shoe shop at the weekend . Great post xx
Thanks Wendy. Yes I agree, people do need to use a bit of common sense sometimes. x
Ah, being out in public can be so tough. It's almost tempting to stay at home all the time..... but of course that would lead to a big loss of hair so we have to be brave!! Thick skins ahoy ;)
Have been lucky to find that many of my elderly patients have heard of autism and then feel comfortable enough to tell me about their reclatives or children with disabilities. They feel sad about the labels that used to be used for these special children and the stigmas attached to having a child with disabilities back in the old days. On a lighter note my son used to steal toy cars from GP waiting rooms. I would get home to find at least four toy cars in his pockets! :-) AndieE
Perhaps this elderly gentleman was not to used to children with autism being in the community, as it's only recently that families stopped placing kids with autism in institutions: thank goodness!
Yes Steph being out in public can be really tough but so glad we do have thick skins, for our childrens sake otherwise we'd all be so isolated. I always keep a spare pair of superwoman knickers in my handbag! lol. x
Andie I did laugh when I read about your son stealing cars! Love it! Not stealing........just borrowing! lol x
Looking for Blue Sky, it scares me to think that our special children could have ended up in institutional care if they had been born not so long ago in the distant past. x
Post a Comment