meet the family - part 1!

Can I just say a few words about my son whom we affectionately refer to as Afro Boy (AB) cos of his blonde afro! I have spent many a tiresome day trying to convince AB to cut his hair. Most of the time it resembles road kill on his head! He keeps it lovely and clean so thankfully it doesn't smell like road kill! yet! Apparently the girls love it and at 17 thats important!

AB finishes school for good in June when he finishes his A Levels. The great plan of being an Indiana Jones type archeologist was changed at the last minute and now he's gonna do something in IT! At least I'll have someone to help me with the blog! But first, my lovely big strapping son wants to go travelling...........alone! My natural reaction was to tie him up and keep him in the garage until he's at least 30! Someone told me that was illegal so I can't do that! He has conceded to signing up with a gap year company just to make me feel better.

AB has many foibles, which include having the most untidy room in the world. In this room can be found a whole tribe of damp towels residing under his bed, building their own small community and cultivating their own unique smell!!! A small collection of used glasses can also be found wandering the plains of his chest of drawers, fighting their way through the herd of books and school stuff! AB is also a very priviledged young man who has his own bathroom. This room can only be entered wearing a HAZMAT suit! Enough said about his bathroom habits! 

Despite all these little things that at times make me want to scream my head off, I love my son more than I can put into words. I look at all almost 6ft of him and want to ruffle his hair, if I could reach, and pinch his cute stubbly cheeks! I worry about him constantly! If and when he finally leaves home I can honestly say that I will miss our chats and his company! There are not many mothers out there who can honestly say that! I will feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

AB has, since the age of 5 I suppose helped to care for his sister. This was never something he was ever pushed into. He is a loving and caring kid. Yes at times he wants to rip his sisters head off! But show me two siblings who don't fight! Yet underneath it all he took on more of a caring role than any 'normal' child/teenager/young man should do. Take one ocassion when he had to babysit because I simply could not get the time off work. I received a text which simply said, 'FD has been sick everywhere. Don't worry I cleaned it up and cleaned the carpet'! I can honestly say I cried. Cried because he was so selfless and caring and cried because he shouldn't have had to. It was at that point when I decided that I was not going to let my job ever get in the way of my ability to look after my kids. Of course that hasn't always been easy to implement but I have tried very hard to have a healthier work / life balance. Those who know the joys of social work, or actually any working parent, know what I mean!

How many young carers are doing an awful lot more than what my son does. How many are the sole carers for parents, with very limited or no support. My son does a lot of babysitting for us and sometimes steps in when he sees FD's behaviour get out of hand. He'll ocassionally make me a cup of stewed tea or a burnt bit of toast when I am exhausted and OH isn't about to look after me, but thankfully he isn't required to sacrifice his childhood to take on the major responsiblity of caring for someone full time.

However, he still does more than any other teenager his age would or should do. In recognition of the fact that at times most of my time is taken up with his sister, we began a little ritual when he was a lot younger - Friday night movie night! On Friday night movie night FD is put to bed early to watch a dvd and OH is sent to the garage to clean his golf clubs! This is mummy and son time! Dorritos and dip and a big glass of coke accompany our movie and we veg out on the sofa. This is cherished time with my son, particularly as I know he's gonna grow out of this very soon. However, at the minute he enjoys it and its something I look forward to on a Friday driving home from work! It marks the end of a busy week and the start of some quality time with the other man in my life! When we have a special needs child in our family its so important not to forget the other children in our homes who are often unintentionally pushed to one side or don't get to spend one to one time with us as much as they would like. The children who often have to grow up too fast or see things they shouldn't have to. Those children who are living with a tremendous amount of stress in their lives when all they should be worrying about is how much money they can get out of mum and dad or if they will get those new trainers they have been eyeing up!

However, being the sibling of a child with special needs isn't necessarily all doom and gloom. It teaches our other children responsiblity, love and understanding. It turns them into caring and compassionate human beings. My son is my superhero. He doesn't just have superhero pants but he has a superhero vest too!!!

Just a quickie!

I can quite honestly say that this has been the week from hell!!! Every case I have decided to go tits up! What was happening to these people! Was it a mass conspiracy to annoy the hell out of me? If it was, then it worked!!! I spent all week running from emergency to emergency, answer a squillion telephone calls and trying to keep on top of all my paperwork! This weekend I have broken my cardinal rule about never doing work stuff at the weekend. Trying to transfer a case to another team so my files have to be perfect! Eeek!!!

In order to try and alleviate some of my stress I took myself off again to Zumba class at the gym! And yet again I realised that I have no rhythm, have 2 left feet, don't know my left from right and dance like an epileptic octypus! I am definately a much better dancer when I am drunk! Mental note - fill water bottle with vodka for next class!

Afro Boy (AB) has had exams this week. I wonder why I get more stressed about them than he does? Is it just a mummy thing you think? As his school life is starting to come to a close I can feel the onset of empty nest syndrome. He wants to go travelling soon but I want to rip my heart out of my chest at the thoughts of it all! I'll be a raving looney!

FD got a brace fitted on her teeth. Because of her sensory issues the orthodontist has fitted a removal one for now. FD was actually a lot better getting the brace fitted than I expected...........for about an hour! Dinner time came and she was having trouble eating, complaining that it was annoying her. I managed to convince her to keep it in. After dinner she became upset because she now had a lisp because of the brace. I assured her that this would go away in time for school on Monday. 'BUT I CAN'T SPEAK CHINESE WITH A LISP'! she yelled at me! Well call me stupid but I wasn't aware she could speak chinese! Apparently she can wish me a happy new year in chinese! Well she could before she got her brace! I again sat down with her and assured her that she wouldn't be called upon to speak Chinese any time soon! 'Well thats all very well but I can't say licorice either'! I reminded her that she didn't like it anyway so problem solved! She is now convinced that the brace is going to make her two front teeth fall out!! Who needs straight, perfect teeth anyway!

FD has continued to cough most nights and on Saturday, just as I was on my way out the door to the hairdressers she coughed so hard again she puked on her bed and the floor. I of course, being completey OCD knew that I couldn't leave it until I got back home so proceeded to change bedding quicker than a groupie gets her knickers off for George Clooney! Naturally, me being me, kneeled in some vomit! Now I had to change before going to the hairdressers. Unfortunately time was against me, and the fact I hadn't done any laundry all week, so I reached for every mothers saviour - babywipes! Now I smelt of puke and baby wipes! I know I thought smugly!!! I have a plan - perfume! So off I toddled to the hairdressers wearing eau de chanel no5 with a hint of puke and babywipes! And who said motherhood wasn't glam!!!

OH has finally this week admitted that his midlife crisis sports car had to go! I had already reached that decision when every bone in my spine screamed out in pain the first time I went out in it. He will now be getting a very sensible family car on Monday!

On Friday I remembered I had a girls night out to celebrate a friends birthday. So, on went the fake tan. Saturday morning dawned to see me recoil in horror at the sight of my patchy orange body! Oh dear! This was not a good look! A shower and a brillo pad later (joke!) I looked semi normal! Until that is I looked in the mirror to see my chin erupt faster than mount Etna! I'm 40 for goodness sake!!! However, one of my girlfriends thinks that we are so young at heart that our brain has convinced our bodies that we are still teenagers so gives us spots! Not sure I'm happy about that one!

So, Saturday the long awaited night out! A good night was had by all! Well possibly not one friend who spent over an hour lying in a pool of her own vomit whilst I held onto her hair so she wouldn't be sick over it! So, actually, it wasn't that great a night for me either! Poor OH had to come collect us in his soon to be gone sports car! He was horrifed at said mate being poured into the back seat of his car with a bin bag tied to her neck so she could be sick if she needed to be! Not sure I've ever seen him drive anywhere so fast! Oh the joys of too much cocktails, champers and shots! Sweet memories!

Sunday has seen me nurse a hangover whilst trying to tidy up some paperwork for work! Thankfully OH has been looking after me well and I have been well and truly pampered! After this weeks escapades, my superwoman knickers have been chucked in the laundry and are currently spinning round the tumble dryer in preparation for what the coming weeks has to offer!

*Blog Recommendation of the day:

The five F's - A very topical blog with lots of interesting posts. Kate writes very well and I love her blog.
http://thefivefsblog.blogspot.com/

7 things you didn't know about me!

Ok I was tagged by a very nice lady on twitter (you know who u are lol) and thought I would give this a go. Please be gentle with me when you read this lol.

1.  I'm terrified of the dark - the landing light is kept on for me and not the kids!
2.  I have a ghost lol. Don't laugh!!!! Nuff said on that one!
3.  I was once paid by a local paper to pose as an Austrian milk maid. The    photographer did offer me some dubious jobs after the photo shoot, which I did turn down!
4. I once stole a horse as a very drunk 16 year old. I fell off the horse which I was attempting to ride with no saddle and it ran back into the field.
5. I am the most accident prone person in the world. My friends in work joke that I should be bubble wrapped for my own safety!
6. As a child I paid some one to rub chewing gum into another girls hair because I didn't like her! lol.
7. I found a dead body once in a car!

I'm sure I'm not as glamourous or interesting as everyone else who has done this but hey ho! lol

Non-uniform days and nervous breakdowns!

After discussing with some friends on Twitter about the importance of routines for children on the autistic spectrum, thought I'd share my experience of how a change in routine last week almost sparked another world war and had me wanting to empty a bottle of vino, all before 7am!

FD's school, as a special treat, decided to take the class to the cinema to see the new Harry Potter Movie. Cinema for FD can sometimes bring its own stresses as she finds the noise a bit much  (hence pink fluffy ear muffs)  and to be honest sometimes has trouble following a story line. However, this gradually over the years has improved and she doesn't usually mind the cinema as much as she used too. However, this was combined with the day being a Non Uniform day. Disaster loomed like a big angry snow filled cloud!

From the night before the trip to the cinema, I could sense FD was stressed. I think it was the growling and throwing things round her room which drew my attention to it! The growling is one thing that gets on my nerves more than I can say! Its like our pet dog had come from beyond the grave! I'm waiting for FD to bark at me soon! As I was going into her room I kept repeating to myself, in my head of course, 'stay calm'.

FD totally hates the Non-Uniform days. Her argument being 'I don't go to school to be fashionable'! I can see her point of course. The choosing of the appropriate outfit for the following day was like a scene from Benny Hill! There was the two of us chasing each other round the room, trying to compromise on clothes! Meanwhile, the clothes mountain that lay on the floor like a big tease! FD had been bought some beautiful new clothes for Christmas. But, she only wanted the grubbiest, washed out clothes she could find! It didn't matter that a top was so small it would only fit her teddy bear! Or that another top had a big greasy stain on it! FD wanted to wear it! An uneasy truce was called and I compromised on jeans and a top she could wear. and she agreed that a summer top was not a good idea in January! However, I made one fatal error..........I didn't get her to try the outfit on first.

So, the following morning at 7am she came bouncing downstairs to show me how she looked. To my horror I realised the top 'we' had chose no longer fitted her and had a big stain down the front. FD felt it looked ok and refused to change. Like every mummy I want my child to look her best so I was not a happy bunny! After 20 minutes of persuasion to change did not have any effect and the school bus was due to leave in 10 minutes, I 'told' her she was getting changed. My own advice about 'some battles not worth fighting' went up in smoke! My nerves were shattered by this point, I was exhausted and ready to scream! So, on went a lovely grey jumper she got at Christmas. Success appeared on the horizon and I wanted to do a victory dance as we were heading out the front door! However, one foot outside and FD decided that although this grey jumper was lovely, she wanted to wear 'the other grey jumper'! Because I wanted her to feel comfortable with how she looked, and the fact that I was too tired to fight any more, I gave in. I dragged her into the hall and pulled the grey jumper off faster than a cat up a tree! It was quickly replaced with the other grey jumper and away we went!

Once FD had gone to school, I put my wine back in the fridge and sat down with my weetabix and thought about FD's reasons for picking the most horrible clothes she could find. (she always has a collection of these clothes because she sneaks them out of the charity bags and hides them in her room!) I think FD feels that if she looks sooooo different from how she normally looks at school or is wearing something really beautiful, then people will comment on how she is looking. That of course makes her, to a certain extent, the centre of someones attention. The old, ill-fitting and grubby clothes, are for FD, a form of camoflague. Its how she blends into the background. When you think about it, this is very sad. It made me cry a little. How sad that so many people with ASD hide themselves as they do not possess the necessary social skills for every day life, so its easier to 'hide away'. As a parent it is my job to manage this for my daughter more effectively and take the time to build her confidence and give her the necessary tools to manage in every day life. She needs her own superwoman big knickers! She is wonderful and deserves to be part of the world! I just need the world to be a little more understanding. Oh and if the school could stop having Non Uniform days that would be fab too! Cheers!

I spy....a social worker!

Well its been one of those weeks in the jontybabe household. This was my first full week back to work after the Xmas break. And what a shock to the system this was! The alarm was going off as usual at 6am despite the fact that FD still wasn't sleeping well and was up most nights, nearly all night, coughing. I had to drag myself out of bed and shuffle into the bathroom, with my eyes still closed and hair sticking up like I'd been hanging upside down all night! Why oh why was my life so difficult I cried every morning. Poor OH got shot a huge amount of dirty looks while I mumbled under my breathe 'shoulda married a millionaire'. Of course the millionaires were beating my door down!

Naturally, work got right under my skin from the moment I sat down at my desk. At precisely 9am the phone rang and the first 'oh I need...........blah blah blah!' Funny how people coped perfectly well without me when I was off. But the minute I come back suddenly people's coping skills plummet faster than my bank balance on pay day! I often wonder that as a social workers, do we create a dependency and take away people's coping skills? Is it easier to let someone else do it for you than get up and do it for yourself? Of course there will always be people who do require a lot of support, through no fault of their own and thats ok. But, would we be doing our job better if we were more successful in helping others to manage their coping skills during times of crisis better or is the blame culture in social work so bad that we are constantly covering our backs and trying to avoid the blame game when something goes wrong! Makes the job harder and less enjoyable at times.

This week in work also saw the start of me taking on an extra bit of responsibility. I am now a joint on-site supervisor for a social work student who is on placement with our team. I share this role with a colleague and I have to say I am finding it very enjoyable. It is making me think yet again about promotion. Now, I have never been promotion driven. I have just been happy to do carry on doing my job the best I can, get my wages at the end of the month and help those in need of  help. But now, the idea of taking on more responsibility appeals to me. What does not appeal though is the extra stress, extra hours and extra grey hairs! I do like the thought of the extra money of course!

Being responsible for someone else in work is however kinda scarey when they look at you and expect you to have all the answers! I don't! Social work, like parenthood, is an on-going learning experience and sometimes we do cock up or there is no cut and dry answer to a situation.  Ya just gotta put yer head down and get on with it! Though I do occassionally come up for air and a chocolate biscuit! It doesn't matter what crisis is on-going in work, the kettle is always on standby and theres a steady supply of biscuits! These two essentials are the fuel that drives social workers worldwide! Without them, the world of social work would grind to a halt!

Well, the week dragged on and on and I was getting more tired. Just to add to my total exhaustion I joined a new keep fit craze - Zumba! I am now a salsa dancing, booty shaking social worker! Wonder if I could put that on a CV?

Friday, as is always the norm in social work, is the day for either crisis or a huge piece of work! This week myself and a colleague had a drive of almost 3 hours to bring some kids back to their mum. In between the 'I'm hungry!' cries, the pitstops for food/toilet and the egg & onion sandwhiches ( and obligatory breaking of wind following sandwhiches), we had 3 hours of I spy!!!! I was ready to tear my hair out! You do kind of run out of options driving down the motorway! There's not a lot to see! By the end of it all I was just making things up!

After drop off, we then had to make the 3 hour journey back home again! At one point we forgot the kids weren't in the car and almost started another game of I spy! We were both exhausted! Our bladders were screaming to be emptied and our stomachs growling in anger that we hadn't eaten. But we were so keen to get home that we didn't stop once and just hurtled down the road! I can tell you that after a long and stressful day, there is nothing like walking through your front door and being welcomed home by those you love! Its almost like a big blanket just wraps itself around you and whispers 'everythings alright now'. Family is so important and I am not sure I could do my job without the love and support of my family. I often pass a house called 'journey's end' and this is certainly what it felt like.

So, that was my week in work, summarised of course. I didn't mention the paperwork mountain that is threatening to evict me from my own desk, the new cases or the files that needed updated before transfer. I haven't spoken about the court report that needed written and the visits that I had to do and the verbal abuse that I got! Or the total traffic gridlock because a suicidal peson tried to throw themselves off a bridge! The list is endless and the  'to do' list turned into  'to still do' list. But thats life! I just gotta put my social work knickers on and get on with it!

Blog recommendations for today:

http://bethan-no-y.blogspot.com/

For a good blog from a social workers perspective also check out:
http://fightingmonsters.wordpress.com/

Crossed fingers and Head butts!

Ok, I have reached the dizzy heights of hyprocrisy! I'm not proud but I love my friend so for her I stood in chruch and promised to raise her son and teach him all the teachings of God should I ever be called upon to look after him in her absence (i.e - death)

When my very best friend asked me to be Godmother to her first child I was thrilled. However, before fully accepting I did have to remind her that I was an atheist. She said she had remembered that but it was ok. She wanted to know her son would always have  me to rely on. I told her that whatever her wishes were for her son I would carry them out, whatever my own personal beliefs were. She and her husband were happy enough with this as they knew I would love their son as if he were my own. So, I stood in church and made all the promises I was supposed to make. However when I had to announce that I believed in God, I did have my fingers and toes crossed! Does this make me a bad person? Does it make me a liar or a hypocrite. I dunno. I do think however that it makes me a good friend though! I would do something for my friend that may cause me difficulties but surely thats what love is all about? And with that I can live.

It got me thinking that often in life, for the love of others, we sometimes have to give up a little piece of ourselves or make sacrifices we wouldn't normally dream of. We sometimes have to change our behaviour or our way at viewing the world. Hopefully we do it willingly and without any remorse or bitterness. We do it usually for our partner or for our children or for those other people we love. It doesn't mean that we have 'sold out' or entirely given up who we really are. We have just readjusted and adapted, much the same way an autistic child has to do on an on-going basis. The stress of trying to fit in with a confusing world is enormous for those on the Spectrum.

At the Christening I could see FD was struggling trying to understand the service, despite my careful preparation, but she managed remarkably well..........apart from deciding that one of the GodFathers looked like Brendan Frazer and she was totally in love with him! He looked decidedly uncomfortable as it was obvious she couldn't keep her eyes off him! Poor Afro Boy was traumatised at the thoughts of being totally humiliated by his man crazy sister. That and the fact that he had been forced to get out of bed before lunch time on a Sunday and had been squeezed into a suit and his afro appropriately flattened! OH was just hoping that he would be able to get Sky Sports on his iphone later on in the day so he could watch the football!

At the meal after the service, again FD tried very hard to interact with those around her, trying to answer any questions that were asked. I did however see the look of sheer horror on her face when a quest unexpectedly hugged her! She began to recoil in horror with a grimaced look on her face and being very touch sensitive into the bargain I fully expected some head butting to take place (she did head butt her paediatrican years ago when she tried to listen to her heart)! However, FD looked at me, accepted the hug, albeit begrudingly and without any enjoyment of the experience or without reciprocating.

 As FD gets older she is be trying desperately to understand social cues. She doesn't always get it right or want to do what Joe Public expects but she is making an effort. Makes me sad sometimes that she has to try so hard because the rest of the world doesn't! She gives up a little bit of who she really is to fit in or perhaps please others. And I suppose sometimes as parents it is easier for us and our children if they are as 'normal' (hate that word) as the rest of the world. However, what exactly is 'normal'? 'Normal' is boring. Its predictable and suffocating. Sometimes I want to scream to the rest of the world 'Stuff your normal'! In her own way FD puts on her own version of the superwoman knickers and becomes my heroine. I sometimes stand in awe because of the bravery shes shows just getting through the daily grind of life. She becomes that superhero who now and again has to be someone else for a while.

 Thats not to say at times I couldn't scream from the rooftops that I need a break from her or hide in a cupboard just for 5 minutes peace and quiet - and yes I have done this before. Sometmes the cupboard under the stairs was the only place I could enjoy a chocolate biscuit in peace!

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher

*Recommended blog of the day:  

http://savvymum4.wordpress.com

Armadillos, flak jackets and crash helmets - The Hormone Years!

Did anyone ever prepare us for the bombshell that is the hormonal daughter?? Grandmothers revenge I think they call it! I dunno but its enough to make a grown up cry! And quite frequently it has! Add the hormones to a 12 year old, almost 13, with autism and a learning disability and you have your very own atom bomb! I kid you not! FD takes door slamming to all new levels, with the house rattling in its foundations. Temper tantrums about a single hair being out of place, a zit on her face or a change of routine are elevated to the levels of a major catastrophe instead of just a minor blip and its time to get out the hard hats and flak jackets and dive behind the sofa for cover!

Autism aside, all teens are like this to a lesser degree. Was I ever like that? Actually, I can truthfully answer - yes! I was a witch as a teenager! I hated everyone and I was positive they hated me! I complained about everything and everyone (no change there I can hear OH muttering)! I hated how I looked, spending hours locked in battle with my hair (still going on) and was convinced that there was a mass conspiracy going on within my family about just how ugly I really was. They were all bound to be lying to me about my looks, pretending I was pretty just to disguise the fact I actually looked like an over anxious armadillo (my perception....maybe)!

Given all this teenage angst in 'normal' (hate that word), kids, what must FD being going through right at this minute in time? How is she rationalising all these very intense feelings she has. We've always had to deal with paranoia, irrational behaviour and temper tantrums with her but they are exaggerated ten fold now hormones have kicked in! And, as af this wasn't enough to be getting on with, she's discovered boys! She's in love with every one she sees, and often she tells them! She traumatised some poor guy who was  in Homebase innocently buying paint when FD casually walked past him muttering 'sexy man'. Not sure who was more embarrassed, him or me, though judging by the look on the poor guys face, I suspect him! Of course this then has made me think about how vulnerable she is going to be and how easily someone could take advantage of her innocence and trusting and I just know I am going to spend her adult years beating any man who comes near her!

As most people are aware, social skills in autistic children are severely impaired or almost lacking altogether, and this is something we, as a family struggle with on a daily basis with FD. Whilst she may have gotten away with a lot of things whilst younger, as some people considered it funny or cute, now FD is older, and taller than me, she is now just considered by the outside world, a rude teenager! Her height makes her appear much older and her learning disability or autism isn't always outwardly noticable, until you spend some time in her company or see her struggle with very basic things like tying shoe laces or even getting dressed. So, one of the new challenges of the 'hormone years' is to re-teach the social skills we have been trying to instill in her as she has been growing and maturing. Its not appropriate to openly discuss with my mother in law (or her brother) different types of sanitary pads! Nor is it acceptable to tell people off for shouting at their children. Often have I wanted to curl up and die at the words regularly muttered very loudly to complete strangers 'you shouldn't shout at your child like that cos my mums a social worker and knows lots of foster carers'! Or, the fantastic questions often asked whilst standing in the Tesco queue, 'do boys have vagina's?' arghhhhh!!!!

OH often handles things better than me and I'm glad of his support. Sometimes having someone else there to take over when exhaustion and frustration gets the better of me is a huge relief. And, he is of course rewarded by the knowledge that he has a wonderful wife, even is she is pulling her hair out at times like a deranged lunatic!

We all know that through every stage of a childs development, there are always going to be new challenges to manage and we learn to adapt and adjust accordingly. However, when you have a child with special needs those challenges whilst similar, may be more difficult for that child, or require a bit more effort, energy and time to manage. The same strategies we used for our other children in managing difficult behaviours won't apply and we are constantly being called to reassess how we parent our special needs child. We have to try to get inside their head and see things from their perspective. Its difficult and tiring but not impossible. And, its ok to admit we sometimes struggle. Admitting to that is actually, in my book, a sign of strength and insight into our current situation. I try to tell myself that when things are going badly that I'm not going to lose my temper because often FD can't help the way she feels or reacts to situations. However 90% of the time I do lose my head and then feel guilty and upset afterwards. I suppose I've got to remember at the end of the day I'm only human and no one said parenting was going to be an easy job! It's an on-going education for us as parents. And it does have huge rewards the majority of times. I've been trying, for my own sanity, to see the positives, the funnies and the sometimes amazing in my situation. They are not always obvious but they are there. Life was meant to be challenging! Time to get those big knickers on again, over our tights superwoman style and learn to enjoy and grow in our own unique world - Its not bad, just different!  

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain. ~ (unknown)

Big Knickers and treadmills!

Turning 40 was a very interesting experience. Whilst most approach their 40th year with trepidation, I have to say I was very excited! A completely different feeling when I was turning 30 and I was convinced this was the era when I would be resigned to wearing big knickers and have to be very sensible. Pleased to say some of that never happened and when I arrived at 40 I was so not sensible. The big knickers however were starting to rear (pardon the pun) their ugly gussets at me, teasing me with their promise of a flatter tummy and nice neat buns! The question is however, where does the fat go? Its nearly being pushed into my throat!

As soon as January 2010 arrived I was excitedly planning to have a big birthday bash, despite the fact it would not be my birthday until July. Everyone I know was bored stupid with my constantly chattering about being 40 and my party. I think they were all relieved when the day of the party finally came around. A good night was had by all. No-one died, puked or ran off with anyone else's partner! I did however forget to give anyone a piece of my lovely birthday cake! My poor house however did suffer and I spent weeks finding peanuts shoved down the radiators and various items of clothing that did not belong to me???? Oh and the odd shoe! My hangover lasted approx 1 week! The downside of middle age!

So, whats good about being 40? Well, for a start I can now blame my bad behaviour on my age! I've developed that, 'so sue me' attitude! When I go out with friends I dance like I am one of the kids from Fame and I don't care who is watching! Unfortunately I can barely walk afterwards, as was the case recently at another friends 40th birthday bash when I did the splits! (video taped and probably on youtube by now!) I do a very unfortunate 'dirty dancing' routine also when I go out and younger men tremble when they see me approach! Of course, I am convinced at the time that I am the sexiest woman alive! To make matters worse, I took a couple of pole dancing lessons a few years back and am now convinced that I can pole dance! I can't! Utmost respect to those who can! I managed to bruise every possible part of my body trying to learn and had to lower myself very carefully onto the toilet because I could not bend my knees due to the pain!

Because being 40 makes you realise that 'feck I don't have as much time left as I thought I did', you develop a 'I'm gonna cram as much fun/adventure/sex into my life as I can' attitude. And thats exactly what I have been doing. Thankfully most of my friends who are now approaching 40 have developed the same attitude. We all meet up more often than we used to. We party like we were still 18 and we laugh so much! We plan more days out too and little mini adventures. Recently, for example, we all had a night away, just for the hell of it. We stayed in a friends holiday cottage by the sea. Sat in the pub all afternoon drinking Baileys, went back to our cottage, drank champagne, got changed for dinner and had cocktails all night! We laughed until our drinks squirted out our noses, stuffed our face and then went back to the cottage, got changed into our PJ's and vegged out on sofa to watch Sex and the City dvd's! Bliss! When you are 40 you make up your own rules! Nights, or days, out no longer follow the usual pattern or rules. You do what you want, when you want and sod anyone else who doesn't like it! One of my friends wants us to spend the day in the country for her 40th - clay pigeon shooting??? Weird I know, but we're 40 so get over it!

Being 40 also makes you want to work harder at looking good and trying to keep fit. Cos you know you have to. The approach of middle age spread kicks in with a vengeance, as does the requirement to wear big knickers to fit into that Little Black Dress! So, to the gym I trudge! Its not enjoyable, you smell horrible afterwards and no-one ever looked good in trainers! But hey, its all part of keeping the rolls of fat at bay so that I can actually find my belly button piercing (midlife crisis post 1st husband), and trying to live longer cos that means you can party longer! Doesn't it? I've set myself new 'keep fit' goals. I am hoping to run the Race for Life this year without stopping. I ran the 5k last year but had to stop quite a few times to be resuscitated.  I know its not a huge distance but I had never run a race in my life (apart from the mummy race at school sports day - I came last!) This year is going to be different. I am gonna sprint those 5k like a blonde Linford bloody Christie!

So there ya go, that in a nutshell is my take on being 40! I love it more than I thought I would. I'm a calmer person than I was in my 20's or 30's, though not quite sure my OH would agree!  I try harder to find the positive in every situation, even when it feels like I wanna put my head in the gas oven! My life is by no means perfect and there's tons I'd like to change about it but I've come to accept it for what it is. I've been lucky to have found the love of my life, even if I did have to marry someone with the intelligence of a baked bean first time round. I have beautiful children whom I love so much at times I can hardly breathe. Life is what we make it and sometimes when it kicks us in the teeth ya gotta get yer big knickers and killer heels on and go out and kick it right back!

2010 - looking back, looking forward

So, thought it might be a good idea to look back on 2010 - the good and the bad! Then it can all be put behind me and I can look forward to 2011 and all the challenges that it might bring! Now, let me think of the highlights aka eyeball popping moments!

1. My mother aka The mothership! - The bunion that never was! The woman spent most of 2010 complaining she had a bunion. This was of course completely self diagnosed. So, having discovered the joys of ebay, proceeded to buy various instruments of torture, at vast expense, to strap said bunion up! After much persuasion she finally made an appointment with GP who diagnosed 'wear and tear'. So what was she gonna talk about on the phone now!? We only speak once a week on the phone, despite the fact that she lives 600 yards away! She can't come to visit cos her vertigo won't allow it. It allows her to go to the pub but thats a whole different blog! (to follow soon)

2. Diagnosis, Diagnosis, Diagnosis. Because I don't have enough stress in my life FD was diagnosed with a spinal problem and will now require surgery. Its a genetic thing and her brother AB had the surgery a few years ago. After a mini tantrum at the hospital, her not me, she decided that the op may not be so bad cos the hospital would be full of hunky doctors. This little gem was planted in her head by my gay friend who is always on the lookout for fresh hunk! I suspect he may be one of her hospital visitors! FD is also very excited at the prospect at becoming taller as a result of op. I'm already standing on a stool to brush her hair cos I'm a midget in comparison! So here we are now in 2011 just waiting for a date for the op. What are the chances of it being during the school holidays? nahhhhhhh!

3. The big birthday - 2010 was the year of me turning 40! I am the first out of my group of girlfriends to have hit this milestone. Of course there was only one thing ..........PARTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Oh and wot a party it was. I think. Difficult to remember much to be honest. Must have been good cos the house looked liked it had been burgled afterwards! Being 40 has given me a whole new perspective on life which I will discuss in a future blog!

4. OH's midlife crisis - his crisis didn't hit until he was 42 and he decided that the obligatory midlife crisis car had to be bought. Its banana yellow, guzzles petrol like a thirsty elephant and after spending any time in it you need a chiropractor! But hey, he loves it and I love him so gotta put up with it!

5. Work - bleurghhhhhhhhhh! Love my job. Don't love the crisis moments and big caseloads. However, 2010 was the year I decided 'feck it! its only a job'! I'm the only person on my team who does not bring work home! I don't sit at weekends writing reports and I don't go home and cry about it! (well mostly). Am I a freak of social work? I think I am! I DON'T CARE!

6.The snow! - loved the snow! My car's brakes completely packing up during it............not loved so much! The snow and the mayhem it brought to the country let me see how people could pull together and help each other. I saw many acts of kindness from complete strangers. Was heart warming.

7. GOD? - 2010 was the year I, after much soul searching and the death of a friend, admitted to myself something that I'd known all along. I didn't believe in God or religion. This wasn't something that came easy for me and I kept expecting to be blasted by a bolt of lightening at any moment! Now, here lies the difficulty - my inlaws are mega religious! I have the utmost respect for anyone else's beliefs and wouldn't dream of telling them they are wrong. I have however not told my inlaws of my non-believing ways. I'd be burned at the stake! Have a house dropped on me Wizard of Oz style with them chanting 'the witch is dead'! They are lovely people really but not sure if they ready to hear I am an atheist/humanist/hippy! 2011 should be an interesting year!

Right think thats 2010 summed up. I'm sure I've left loads out but hey ho! I look forward to blogging like a mental blogging thing in 2011! I have lots of ideas for posts. My little blonde head is actually gonna explode!

New Year, New Blog, New Crap!

Well, well, well, here I am again making new promises to blog on a more regular basis. I resolutely promise to keep this for the new year. I mean when have I ever fibbed! ok ok I did promise earlier in the year that that I was making a great comeback. So, skipping over that promise...........Christmas is finally over!!!!

For those of you who are new to my blog let me summarise just who is in my family. Firstly we have afro boy (AB) who is my 17 year old son. So called cos his hair hasn't seen a pair of scissors for ages and he now looks like he has a huge mushroom on his head! Theres the Wannabe Fashion Diva (FD) who is my 12 year old daughter. She is special needs as she has Autism and a learning disability, not to mention a few other difficulties - like puberty! Much door slamming in my house! I also have 2 step children who stay with us during school holidays. Theres the Human Dynamo (HD) who is my 10 year old stepson. He has infinite amounts of energy, is totally obsessed with farts and is too cute for words! Is also a bit of a monster at times and he and FD clash constantly! And finally, the last child in our household is The Princess, (TP) my beautiful 16 year old step daughter who is the epitome of calmness and is so laid back she is almost horizontal. She has inherited the shopping gene from her gran and can often be found fighting for bargains in the sales!

I shouldn't forget my wonderful other half (OH) who puts up with my constant social work ramblings and my at times erratic working hours. A superstar at times and a bit of a golf addict! Last but not least, the family pet Jacko the rabbit. The only rabbit I have ever seen with buck teeth who requires regular dental work! phew! thats it I think!

I shall attempt to blog a few times a week and keep a record of the insanity that passes for my family / work life!