Life thru a toilet roll!

Well thats the Bank holiday over. Was a bit quiet all round. The weather not what I wanted....SUN, RAIN, SUN SUN AND RAIN. Tut. Tried to coax the wannabe fashion diva outta the back garden and away from Jackson the rabbit (who is still using his bed as a toilet I might add!). Sadly, Jackson got more of her time than I did so I was left with no alternative but to write out some reports for work. BORING, BORING, BORING. Not exactly how I wanted to spend the weekend. I met up with some friends on Saturday nite and had a girlie night in with a takeaway, lots of wine and a good old 'lets put the world to rights', chat. Between us we decided that the world would be a much better place if we could all just give up work! We're all a bit fed up with the whole thing! Between choosing schools for our kids, fighting the daily homework battle and generally spending every day searching for a clean pair of knickers because we haven't had time to do the laundry, we are all feeling a wee bit burnt out! We didn't bad mouth our husbands too much cos on the whole they are pretty good but we did spend a worrying amount of time in discussion about the totally weird amount of time men spend on the toilet! Is it a genetic thing? A tactic to avoid the housework, or just an excuse to hide for a while and read a good book? To be honest I can think of more comfortable places to get cosy with a good book and the toilet wouldn't be that place!

Anyway, we rounded off the long weekend with a bbq held indoors cos of the sodding rain, and baking some buns which the wannabe fashion diva managed to eat half the mixture before we got it in the bun cases! I have of course just realised that Hubs has been outta the room for a very long time. Probably on the loo!

lightening strikes and rabbit crap!

Arrived at work today and decided today was gonna be the day I was gonna be hyper efficient! I walked to my desk with purpose! I had the power of positive thinking on my side! I was armed with fresh milk and buns! I had a plan for the day! ..............I lasted 30 minutes! tut! Procrastination set in and I decided it would be a good idea to tidy my desk, put sticky labels on things, make another cuppa, raid the stationary cupboard and make a dentist appointment!! Could things get any worse? Well yes! On my way to a visit I had to pull car over to side of road as the rainy season arrived all at once and my car was in danger of being struck by lightening!!! I could imagine the headlines ' evil social worker bbq'd by lightening strike!' Now I know that I would have been safe in my car wot with the rubber tyres but for goodness sake..........I AM A NEUROTIC, STRESSED BLONDE! I managed to get thru the rest of the day unsinged by lightening and actually arrived home at a decent hour. Thought I would check on Jackson the rabbit to find that he had decided to rearrange his hutch and turned his lovely bedroom in his ultra modern hutch into a toilet!!! So, there I was standing in a thunderstorm in my son's raincoat shovelling rabbit crap into a bin bag not realising that the bag had burst and my new shoes were covered in a ton of poo!!! Feeling totally down trodden and thinking that things couldn't possibly be worse than stinking of rabbit crap, I checked my emails to find that my daughter the wannabe fashion diva has been banned from a pony website (for our invisible horse), for swearing in posts! I can hear the custard creams calling to me again! Maybe tomorrow will be better!

wobbly bits

Well just got back from a lovely weekend in Dublin with Hubs and another couple. The weekend was organised for Hubs mate who has a big birthday coming up. The boys played golf and the girlies went to the spa and had a back massage and facial. Now I am one of these people who have had a very sheltered life (cough, cough), and have never had a professional massage done. Well holy smoke what an experience! Totally loved it! Was so unusual for me to just lie and do nothing (imagining sarcastic comment that would come from Hubs when he reads this). Was a little weird at first cos me and my mate were in a room together having massage done and was forced to get my cellulite and wobbly bits out in front of someone else! Scarily enough we had matching underwear on and am sure the massage girlies thought that was a wee tad weird! Totally enjoyed massage although at one point I was convinced that yer woman's hand was gonna come right thru my back and out my chest cos she pressed so hard. The facial was totally divine and I think I may have snored a little! Whilst lying there having my wobbly cheeks (face!) massaged I thought about how little we as mothers and career women take so little time for ourselves, always rushing about to wipe bums, clean noses and hide the chocolate biscuits (and thats just in work!). So, therefore, I have made an executive decision!! I am going to book myself in for a massage or facial on a regular basis! I am gonna make time for me! I'm gonna have to put my children in care for a brief period, flush the mobile down the loo and rob a bank to be able to afford it! ah well! No-one said it was gonna be easy!

Well its been a tiring day all round. Work was one of those days were I just wanted to scream at the phone ringing continually, 'I AM NOT HERE SO GO AWAY!' My poor car was turned into a house delivery van for a while today while I transported a clients belongings. I put some stuff in the boot on top of my lovely new jacket. There is now icky stuff on my jacket! Am not best pleased! On a positive tho...........I finish early tomorrow and am going to go and get my hair done! It looks a bit like an electrocuted cat on my head at moment! There's an uncanny likeness to Albert Einstein actually! Spooky! Without the moustache of course! I wax my upper lip ya know! tut.

On the children front - afro boy has supposedly been studying today for his GCSE's. I am not convinced. Might have to hide the X-Box controller. The wannabe fashion diva has been relatively quiet since mega tantrum the other night. Am sure its only because she is too tired to be bothered screaming at me! I should be thankful for every little nugget I suppose!

demented panda!

Can you just suddenly get hayfever? hmmm. Visited clients today with big blotchy eyes and mascarra running down my face! I looked like a demented panda! I had to keep apologising to clients. Am sure most of them were convinced I was having some sort of meltdown/nervous breakdown! Have to say, was not a good look. Hubs didn't help the situation when his first words when he saw me was, 'oh you look terrible', after me commenting to workmates earlier in the day about the lovely comments he gives me! hmff! Does the man not realise I have PMT and can kill him with a single look at 40 paces! Will have to get some hayfever stuff tomorrow! On a brighter note - no one shouted at me or threw me out today! bonus!

However, all things being equal - spent over an hour trying to calm down the wannabe diva from a full on screaming fit! Am sure the neighbours will be calling social services. Maybe I should give them the number! I know a lot of good social workers!! When she finally stopped screaming at me she spent half an hour in the kitchen talking to herself about how crap I am helping her with her homework, how I wasn't very good at cooking anyway and that I had big red eyes! The joys of an autistic child - HONESTY! Don't you just love it! Finally managed to get her to bed and soon felt guilty as I hadn't been very patient with her so went to check on her and she was lying upside down on the bed playing her nintendo! Another row because nintendo got confiscated! I did go in search of chocolate to calm my nerves and then remembered I am on a diet - again! *sigh* I'll wait until hubs is asleep and sneak into the kids bedrooms in search of easter eggs that weren't eaten. Am sure theres no fat or calories in an easter egg! WELL! One can dream!

What an interesting weekend I have had. Well maybe not interesting, but fun! Yesterday looked to be a total washout. I thought at one stage I might have to rev up the Ark as it seemed to be the only sensible mode of transport. Was even too wet for ducks! But the gods smiled on us late in the afternoon and the sun actually came out for a while.

Went to the cinema with Hubs later on to see the new Star Trek movie. Was really rather good although at one point I wanted to jump up and shout 'LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!' and show everyone there that I could do the Spock fingers! Instead, I just sat and watched the movie and munched my way thru a mega bag of sweets. Is it just me or does the new young Spock kinda inspire some pointy eared fantasy? Hmm (cough, cough). Sorry.

Today has been lovely. Yes I had to go to work for a few hours today. And no, people were not happy to see me on a Sunday, arriving unannounced and catching them in their jimjams. And yes, one or two did get a bit nasty. But hey ho! The sun had come out again so super son (who is sporting a very fetching blonde afro) and the wannabe fashion diva went to the garden centre and bought more plants for me to kill! Also bought a pear tree! I have been desperately trying to grow my own veg so we bought replacements for the ones I have killed already. Its difficult being this good looking and a talented gardener! Super son, who spends most of his day cultivating his afro and pretending to study is exhausted at having so much fresh air in his lungs!

So full of great intentions to make a lovely Sunday dinner to top it off. However, the takeaway menu has just caught my eye! The diet can start again tomorrow. I'll just keep sucking in my belly for another day!

neighhhhhhhhhh!

Thats another day over and one day closer to the weekend! Not sure I can cope with the excitement! Am salivating at the thoughts of the wine that is going to go down my throat so fast its gonna be like a tidal wave of alcohol! Need to make sure I am not drunk before I head to the cinema on Saturday night to see Star Trek.....theres no way I can do the 'live long and prosper' thingy with drunk fingers!

The wannabe fashion diva daughter has managed to win yet another competition she entered online. She won a book this time. Not as good as the ipod she previously won but heyho. She has entered a competition to win a years supply of horse food and a horse blanket which will be great for our invisible horse! No matter how many times I explained to her that we don't need to enter competitions to win prizes we can't possibly use it made no sense whatsoever. Decided that some battles just aren't worth fighting and will go and make room for the expected delivery of horse feed that may arrive!

Jackson the rabbit has decided that he does now not want to starve to death and is sitting in his hutch eating broccoli. Apparently he was afraid of his feeding dish! Is it possible I have a special needs rabbit too? Can life get any more complicated.

On the work front - I have a job interview next week for a new job in learning disability. I'll keep smiling until then and keep hiding under the desk!

another day....another custard cream

Well today saw the dreaded return to work. I tried to hide under my desk but it was too cramped under there what with all the bodies of previous social workers who had the same idea and never made it out alive! Spent most of the day faffing about and running back and forth to meetings. Pretty boring. Too much tea drunk and too many custard creams eaten. Unfortunately custard cream guilt set in late in the afternoon and this caused me to dust off the gym gear when I got home and hot foot it to the local torture chamber - 'the gym'. Spent over an hour huffing and puffing trying desperately to hold my belly in whilst being surrounded by buff body building type blokes. Really difficult to look sexy when your hair has turned to frizz and your thong has reached yr throat! Was really glad to get home. Super hubs has made me a cuppa (no custard creams)and a bowl of Alpen which might actually be sawdust from the new rabbits hutch. On a positive, the children haven't killed each other and the rabbit has survived since the weekend!

what happened to the war?

Now normally my children kick chunks out of one another when they are asked to do chores together but no not tonight. The dishes were done without one drop of blood being spilt or one door slammed in bad temper! Whoever has swapped my kids in the middle of the night can you please return them. My life is too dull now! Its like an episode of the bodysnatchers!

Time to get daughter ready for bed now I suppose. Will probably have the usual faffing about. Such is life. There's plenty of wine in the fridge! Yehaaaa! I will need plenty to prepare myself for tomorrow's work madness! I wonder if anyone would notice if I hid under my desk tomorrow? I could bring a packed lunch and a thermos of tea!

lost on planet blog

Ok. Think I am having my midlife crisis by starting this blog. I have no idea what I am doing! Since I am such an internet freak I thought this would give me the perfect opportunity to have a good rant about this and that and share some of my experiences of life and how those I love the most have shaped me, loved me and made me laugh until I cried or cried until I laughted! Bear with me as I find my feet here. Bear with me especially when I try to blog because I've had too much wine!
I suppose I should start by giving the low-down on my life. Am married for the 2nd time. Hubs no2 is definately the love of my life and a good old fashioned hero who has saved me so many times. I have 2 wonderful kids, one of whom is almost 16 years old and studying (or pretending to) for his GCSE exams, and the other who is 11 (and turning into a fashion diva) has autism and a moderate learning disability and has shaped me so much. I have 2 wonderful step-children - aged 14 (a definate fashion diva) and 8 years old (a karate-kicking footballer) who live with us part of the year. I am truly blessed.